That New Blog Smell

I'm writing this blog as a means of keeping myself on task with my goals to becoming healthier. That includes my weight-loss goals, my exercise goals, my cooking adventures (someday I will discover the secrets to making a healthy beef stroganoff that tastes like it's bad for you like it should), fun mental health things, and whatever else I decide to post here.

For a long time, I debated whether or not to keep this blog public, or to make it private. I will be sharing my weight, my waist measurements, etc; on here, and that's startling enough without trolls on the internet finding a blog like this. However, this is an experience that's all about being brave and trying new things, so I can ignore the trolls and work on developing better internet health as well. ;)

That all said, allow me to introduce myself and my current goals.

My name is Callie. I am 23 years old,  5'6.5" tall, and I weigh 215 pounds. I am currently down 5 pounds from two weeks ago, when I weighed 220. As of August 26th, my waistline was 40". My goal weight is about 160 pounds, but I'm not as worried about pushing to that weight as I am getting my body to a healthy point in which I'm at my peak physical condition. If that point is 160 pounds, then all the better. :)

I follow another Blogger called Yeti, and she discusses that one of the first things one should do is to outline WHY they want to lose weight or become healthier. It's not enough to simply want to lose weight or to simply want to be healthier. If we don't have specific reasons to motivate us, then we make excuses and no progress can be made. If we're not willing to put forth the effort, then we don't really want to lose weight or become healthier, do we?

Here are my reasons, in complete honesty, and in no particular ranking:

1. I want to increase my lung capacity and give myself the chance to outgrow my asthma, the way my doctor says that I can. I'm tired of feeling weak and worrying whether or not a simple cold or flu will set off some horrible attack that will require an ER visit. I'm tired of feeling like I'm handicapped by my asthma when there are people out there with real handicaps who are more capable at a very large number of things than I am. I look to those individuals as an inspiration in this regard; if they can overcome the real challenges that they face, then I can overcome the significantly, comparatively smaller challenges that I face, too. I'm done using my asthma as an excuse to not take care of myself.

2. A few years ago, I took a half-semester of capoiera at my university. The same winter I was in the class, my friend's car stalled out in the parking lot of her apartment, and I single-handedly pushed that car across the parking lot, back into a parking space. When I was done, my lungs felt great (my asthma is usually worse in the winter), my muscles didn't have a touch of fatigue, and I felt INVINCIBLE. I want that feeling back. I want that feeling every day. I want to feel like my body is on my team, not against me.

3. I've had a number of people over the last few years go out of their way to make me feel like dirt, to make me feel like I was worthless compared to them. Why? A few were probably their own self-esteem issues. Others were probably selfishness, and I don't doubt that one of them was simply out of pure mean-spiritedness. When my weight was involved, some of these individuals lashed out in the most hurtful ways, and I'll be honest with you: I want to rub it in their faces. I want them to see the woman they insulted, that they belittled, and realize that their insults might make them feel better in the short-term, but in the long-term, those insults won't make them feel nearly as good as I do just being healthy and in charge of my life. No one but me can tell me what I am not capable of, and I'm going to prove it.

4. It would be ridiculous of me not to acknowledge the shallow side of myself; yes, I want to look amazing. I want to drop the weight that I don't need to be healthy, and look gorgeous. I hate society's ideals of the perfect woman being a size 0 (or 4 or 6 or whatever), but this is my culture, and there's part of me that wants to strive towards that ideal. I just intend to be smart about it and focus less on the weight itself and more on the health.

5. I want to feel more comfortable in my own skin, and to feel more confident. Largely, I'm doing this for me. I hate feeling uncomfortable because a dress that I want isn't made in my size, or because going up to the fourth floor for class makes me sweatier than anyone else. I want to feel good about myself as close to all the time as I can get. I want to stop being afraid of wearing certain styles of clothing on the grounds that I have a muffin top and it would look awkward. I want to tackle each day confidently, and meeting my goals will help me as much as anything else.

6. I own my own business, and it focuses on drawing and crochet. I sit down a lot. I sit and work a lot. I like to sit and play video games or play Facebook games or whatever a LOT. My lifestyle when I relax is not very active at all, and so I need to keep myself in good health. As a professional artist, it is very easy to lead a sedentary lifestyle, and that's dangerous for a number of reasons. This ties into the previous one a lot; I want to be healthy for me, in part because I'm an artist and I work at a drawing board a lot. I'm not on my feet all the time like others, so I don't get to lose weight while at work. Once I figure out how to do that, though, you can bet I'll be incorporating it into my plan!